im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
