I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
