I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
