Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
