how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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