wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
