He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
