I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
