It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
