My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
