His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
handjob tips. give me some.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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