im drinking this country out of the recession.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
