sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
