I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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