It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
