When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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