Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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