The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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