So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
