i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
