I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
