i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
