He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh†while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
