I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
