I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
