So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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