I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
