you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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