So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
