Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
