dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
