Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
