I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize