I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He passed out mid-signature
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
