It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
