please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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