Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
