Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
