I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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