just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
