Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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