True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
