i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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