I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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