the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
