Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
