I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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