Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
