worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
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Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
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WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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