I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
