Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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