The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
