A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
