Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
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Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
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In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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