Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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