I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
