His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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