My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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