I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
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