My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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