She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
