Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
