White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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