I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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