Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I have peed in a lot of sinks
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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