My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I love you.
Bad choice
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
