Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
