I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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