Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
