if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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