If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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