oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
ugly people sure do ruin things
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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