You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
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