you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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