Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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