there's paper in my vomit.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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