Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
