Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
