The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
